Here we are Friday 23 August. So my plan was to publish yesterday, but I was really just kidding myself. Enjoy the dodgy astro advice. And remember, while it all seems a bit silly (just how I like it) I do look at the planets and transits to write them. For reals.
Aries (21 March-21 April)
The urge to throw yourself headlong into overindulgence Rammy Ram, will end in tears and some waiting room time in a 7-day clinic. Danger lurks in “Just one more…”. One more pina colada, one more cardboard bouquet of fries, one more bottomless milkshake, one more pair of shoes. Breaking the rules will make you pay.
Taurus (21 April-20 May)
Have you heard the story of the Big Bull who took on too much? Me neither. But I reckon it would go like this. On the way to the laundromat, Bambi and Tinkerbell ask Big Bull to carry their load. Big Bull agrees. Down the road, Peter Rabbit asks Big Bull to carry his basket. Big Bull agrees. Outside the laundromat door, Big Bull collapses and dies. The end. But the legend lives on. Careful what you say yes to.
Gemini (21 May-21 June)
When the pixies knocked on your door this morning Gemmy Gem, you thought it was just the neighbour’s kids off to Book Week. After some serious acrobatics and a spot of flying you realised they might be real pixies. A quick promise to yourself to never speak of this to anyone (a fairly empty promise, I might add) you follow them no questions asked. Have some creative fun today.
Cancer (22 June-22 July)
So you try to get your point across with wailing and gnashing of teeth today Courageous Cancer, but normally kind folk are too busy to listen. And as the emotions flow like maple syrup on a hot day, you realise that another strategy might be required. Forget the Moon and its ebb and flow, stand steady and remember that they do love you. They’re just a bit busy with their own stuff today.
Leo (23 July-23 August)
You are the MacGyver of networking today Leapin’ Leo. And if ever there were a need for career resourcefulness it is today. You see the organisational structure with the clarity of a LEGO Masters finals contestant: shift, build, discard, re-build. If work is not your gig, then a D&M with the parents leaves you wondering just who really is doing the adulting.
Virgo (24 August-23 September)
Like the memoirs of a high-ranked clergyman, your mind is mighty Very Virgo and the Heavenly Father will prevail. Too much? Well some such intervention from a high-minded ideology overtakes your normally practical demeanour and you strap yourself to a monument yelling out your 10 Commandments To Avoid Stupidity. Yes, people will look. And, yes, you will look back and think, “I was a bit mouthy on Friday”.
Libra (24 September-23 October)
An open cheque book (remember those) and a loose brief sends you off to the shops to plan the most amazing party Luscious Libra. This is right up your alley, but it’s the same alley in which the devil is guarding the detail. The only way to get past is to listen to advisors, but who do you trust? And why are they all wearing sheep’s clothing to a toga party? Listen to your instincts.
Scorpio (24 October-22 November)
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work you go Super Scorp, but it’s not what you think. Have you noticed sometimes that the people you talk to seem to shrink before your very eyes before they scuttle off to hide under the lounge. Today is good day to practice dialling the intensity down. Give the mortals a chance to keep up.
Sagittarius (23 November-21 December)
Self-care is today’s headline Saucy Sag. Now you could be the remorseful, reformed binger proselytising your new-found healthy lifestyle. But in the words of the mighty Homer Simpson, “You don’t make friends with salad”. Or you could just have a quiet night in and shout all about it on socials. Whether it’s your cat or your followers, someone better listen damn it!
Capricorn (22 December-20 January)
Billy Goat’s feet are firmly on the ground today. Ain’t no pixie gonna convince you to board the tall ship to the Otherworld. Unless of course, the tall ship needs a few odd jobs done, then you’ll happily board. Although one quick look at the manifest and the crew to double check who you’ll be sailing with and what kind of equipment they have. Meet some kindred spirits today.
Aquarius (21 January-18 February)
Your need to be a smart arse today Actual Aquarius (yes I’m an Aquarian) could reach insufferable levels. Fortunately, a parallel need to stay home means that only your closest family and friends will suffer. So go on, read your random book, throw some concepts together and smart all over the carpet. Just be nice about it, ok.
Pisces (19 February-20 March)
Remember that time you came up with the idea to build a sand mandala down at Middleton shortly before the storm hit? Well today is nothing like that. You wake up with a picture in your head and the energy to turn it into reality. The pixies have arrived with their tool belts on and your idea is actually possible. Today Little Fish, you can do it.